Knitting.... at last you say!

Whilst sitting here waiting for the log in page to load and the kettle to boil I happened to read the first couple of lines of the last post and thought ...... how wonderful would it be to have a sunlight STImulating bulb.... you turn it on and out comes the sun!! ( I know I scare myself sometimes, please don't phone the men in white coats, I rang them last week and asked if anyone was in room 47. Their reply was "no" ..... " Oh good" I exclaimed " I've escaped!!" )

Ok onto the knitting which has been a constant throughout my absence on here. You can now find me on that amazingly time consuming place Ravelry. I am very pleased to say that after months of encouragement and ..... well yes nagging, my daughter is now knitting again. The reason is that Marvellous Maggie took up knitting ( mother's don't inspire daughters enough to knit it seems !) here is the scene on my sofa 2 weeks ago.

Needless to say I didn't get very much knitting done at all ( I have however made up for it since!!)

I have been making a pair of river rapid socks but found that it wasn't something that I could just sit and do mindlessly so, after reading many other peoples posts on Ravelry about having both a challenging and a very simple project on the needles at the same time I thought I would do that. I don't usually like to have so many projects on the needles, preferring to work on one at a time usually but this did satisfy the different knitting urges I had and seemed to work well.

River Rapid socks ( a sock bug pattern)
The plain old sock ... made with machine washable wool as all my lovely wool socks keep shrinking even when handwashed ... boo hoo


I made a pair of mittens for my daughter at Christmas. My sister, who is disabled and has arthritis in her hands asked for a pair so I am now knitting a third project .... well tecnically now a second as I have just finished the plain old socks!

The return ...

After a considerable absence I am back. Don't ask what happened ...the dreaded Winter ! Am I the only one who gets down through those long dark months? This year, I swear I am buying sunlight simulating bulbs. Feeling much better now thought I love light, damn it I need light.

Has the tide turned? I have recently found several sites accepting and even celebrating the larger form, hurray!! Celebrities are goo goo eyed over their larger wives who have not bowed to pressure to become 'fashionably thin' . I have recently seen photo's of Pierce Brosnan who is obviously loving his wife's curves, and am beginning to believe my husband when he tells me he really doesn't find stick's attractive.( I should have put that he finds my body attractive .... still hard to say !) Why, because we are larger do we instantly think we are less worthy and unnatractive? Well today I feel attractive and yes, I am large but boy I wouldn't swap my breasts or curves for anything? If losing weight means losing my curvy-ess (is that a word?) then I will stay larger. I know that I will never be thin and that it wouldn't suit me, I also know health wise I need to lose a little weight just for comfort etc but i am not aspiring to become a size 14.

Sites that I have found refreshing and inspiring recently include

Too Fat For Fashion


We're here. We're fat. Get used to it - This Britain, UK - The Independent

http://www.loveyourbody.org/ Check out other parts of the site expecially adios barbie.

Oh and you should definately watch this gorgeous babe and her 'fat rant' Fantastic!!!

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=yUTJQIBI1oA&eurl=http://www.adiosbarbie.com/

Now don't you dare laugh!

Oh go on then ... just a little bit ( I know I did!)

We had such a lovely day out by the side of the road in Huntingdon. We set out on our journey at about 10.30 am ... please take note of the time.

The traffic wasn't too bad ... a bit heavy .... but soon we came across lots and lots of accidents and moved very slowly. My poor little car overheated, the services were chocca!!! and I mean CHOCCA! But we pulled off ... cooled down and set off again .... the traffic had cleared ... well a bit and we drove for about 10 miles when the car started to make a funny noise so we pulled over .....this was 4 hours after setting off and we had only done 80 miles. Grrrr we won't go into all the annoying and niggly details but we sat and waited for 3 hours for the RAC to come.

We waited
And waited
and waited ... nice toilet facilities in the parking bay!!

Well eventually after a mix up and 3 hours the lovely RAC man turned up. The head gasket had gone. He towed us to some services where ...... you guessed it .... we waited and waited .... oh yes and .... waited to be towed. At 9.30 pm the lovely man came and loaded the car onto the flat bed truck and ....hip hip ...... we were off! Well for a while anyway.... a couple of miles down the road the truck pulls over ....it's indicator light wasn't working..... so we waited....
and waited ....is it friday the 13th?
and waited ..... you get the picture don't you..... we arrived at my Dad's in Plumstead at about 12.30

Back soon

I'm off too Yorkshire for a few days so you have a reprieve!! Have a good bank holiday weekend.

Watch this space.....

this is soooo funny, I cried when I saw it at the cinema I had to share it with you!

to market to market to buy .... well who knows!

for some reason my heart/head (whichever is controlling my feelings ...which feels like my stomach at the moment with nerves) is stopping me from continuing with my next session. I know that for me, the fear of something new is very strong. There are times when I would happily wallow in my misery ....well that's a bit strong ...but happily wallow in whatever I am in instead of facing up to things ...after all it is familiar.

As each day has passed this week I have felt worse ... I know what this is .. .. it is the fear of starting a new job ...ridiculous eh but it is soooo strong it is depleting my energy and resistance and I feel like i am on that slippery slope into a mild depression! My post today therefore is to pull my self out of this and make a firm plan. I am this morning, taking my father out for a bit and then when I arrive home I am going to continue to do the next cbt and give myself a damn good talking too. After all I am in charge here ( I hope!!)

Phew just let me catch my breath …. Had a very busy weekend which included a lovely walk. This afternoon I am going to meet a couple of friends for a drink and a gossip!

Ok now to get down to the serious stuff! This blog is after all about my life and my obsession with food, which I have to say has been in evidence much less over the past couple of weeks which has led me to draw certain conclusions.

• I am obsessed with food and this is not a conscious fat persons greedy obsession but an illness much like drug addiction or alcoholism.
• I eat to make myself forget, feel happy and to combat stress and boredom.
• Whilst on holiday recently I ate a good breakfast and WAS OFTEN NOT HUNGRY OR THINKING OF FOOD for most of the rest of the day! Which led me to think about the boredom and anxiety I feel at home. My conclusion is that I definitely need to continue with the cbt and change my attitudes and behaviour.
• I love cooking and when I am cooking good wholesome fresh food, I eat much more sensibly and feel much more satisfied.
• I am becoming very concerned ( down right pissed off) at the media and public perception/ prejudice against larger members of the community. There has been an awful lot in the press recently from fat people just being greedy, to them costing the nhs more to the ‘ who ate all the pies comments’ I rarely eat pies and I bet my general diet is a lot more healthy than many thin ‘normal looking people’.

My plan of action is now to continue with my therapy and tackle smaller chunks of my problems rather than try to change every thing at once. I don’t necessarily think that dieting is the answer for me …. I strongly believe that eating a healthy balanced diet and reducing my portion sizes is the answer for me. I am aware that I will have good days and bad days and hope that I will not blow the whole day or week because I succumb to temptation occasionally. I also firmly believe that a balanced diet does not mean depriving oneself of the odd treat, just making sensible choices and ensuring a balance.

Nuff said! Have a good day.